My Love, My Life
by brontee.belikov
Summary: A very fine line exists between love and lust, but love prevails more often than not. The intense love between Rose and Dimitri is finally revealed. 'The Cabin' scene in Shadow Kiss comes to you from Dimitri's point of view! Slight lemon, but for the most part, intensely romantic.


**Ever thought that 'The Cabin' scene in Shadow Kiss was lacking a certain something? Well I did.**

**This was an idea I toyed with for a while, and I decided to take the chance and write it. It's the cabin scene from Shadow Kiss, but from Dimitri's POV. It does have more detail and isn't suitable for persons under fifteen years of age. So if you're not old enough to buy a ticket 15+ film, you shouldn't be reading this. **

**It is, for the most part, romantic and love-filled, but does have a slightly graphic nature. **

**Read and review !**

**Disclaimer: Richelle Mead owns all rights. Dimitri's thoughts and some dialogue are the property of me!**

**My Love, My Life.**

"Get her out of here; get her cleaned up and calmed down". There was no question as to who Alberta was directing her orders at. Without hesitation, I reached out to grab a hysterical Rose into my arms.

"Come on, Rose. You're okay now, it's over. It's over. They can't hurt her anymore. They won't hurt anyone anymore. I promise. It's over, Roza." Over and over I murmured it in her ear, but she was probably too far descended into the black rage that she didn't hear me. She certainly didn't acknowledge my reassurances. "Let's get out of here, Roza." Being careful not to hurt her, I began leading her away from the violent scene, taking her to the one place I knew she would not be able to escape. I glanced at her face - and nearly fell to the ground as pain ripped though me. Pain caused by seeing Rose in such distress. Her eyes were cast down, red from crying. Her beautiful hair a tangled mess flowing around her shoulders. She struggled in my arms, trying to break free.

"Rose, we can make this easy or difficult," I told her, attempting to mask the worry I knew would be clear in my voice. "There is no way I am letting you go to Jesse. Besides, he's going to the med clinic, so you'd never get near him. If you can accept that, I will release your arms…"

One look at her told me that there would be very little cooperation.

"If you bolt, you know I'll just restrain you again," I said.

"Okay…"

Rose fell limp in my arms, allowing all her weight to rest on me. There was just utter dejection on her face. A look I almost couldn't bare to see. It was the look that just about made me turn around right then and go back and make Jesse feel pain one hundred times worse than the pain he inflicted on Lissa and by default, Rose as well. But I couldn't. For now, at least, I had to focus on Rose, on getting her cleaned up and calmed down - just like Alberta ordered. I let out a small sigh of relief as I released her arms. Concern was etched across my face as I peered at her tear-streaked face. She was still beautiful, of course. So beautiful that it almost pained me. That beauty was always present.

"Alberta told you to clean me up, so we're going to the med clinic?" Rose said, breaking the silence that had fallen between us.

Nice, Rose. Subtle.

"Nice try. I am not letting you near him. We will get first aid somewhere else," I said shaking my head slowly.

Briskly, we walked across campus, creating distance between us and Jesse Zeklos. I watched Rose carefully for any signs that she was about to run. There were none. Only defeat and despair clouded her features. _What is going on? _I had no idea how to help her, how to make all the pain in her world magically disappear like I so desperately wanted. I never wanted her to suffer, to never feel anything but happiness. But, I knew I could never do that. Not in our world. With her life already mapped out for her, there was little doubt in anyone's mind that Rose's existence would be filled with guilt and hardship as she killed the evil to preserve the good. Having a conscience could sometimes be the hardest part about being a guardian. If you could feel, it made it harder. There were times when I wished I could just shut it all off - never have to feel the guilt and sorrow that always accompanied a kill. Taking a life - good or evil - scarred even the toughest of guardians, because you were essentially taking a life. The Strigoi you killed had once been Moroi, dhampir or human and had probably been turned by force. It never got any easier. And, I thought with a resigned sigh, that was the life Rose was destined to.

We rounded the last corner, now on the very edge of campus, far from the rest of the school, and the cabin came into view. This cabin held somewhat unpleasant memories for me. Recalling the days when Tasha Ozera resided within the small disused watch post, the day she offered me a life not many male dhampirs ever dreamt of having - a family life; wife, children, a home - it was everything I had ever wanted for myself. Just, not with Tasha. It would have never been _right _to take Tasha up on her illustrious proposal. I could never have returned the affection she held for me - and that would not have been right. _No, _I thought, _Tasha was never the one... Always _her. It seemed like years ago... I was a different person now, forever changed by that one girl. Rose's love for me, and mine for her, had altered me in such a colossal way that it was permanent. My heart would always belong to her, no matter what happened.

Pulling myself from my reverie, I opened the door to the cabin and gently pushed Rose in ahead of me. She let out a disgruntled sigh.

The cabin was exactly how Tasha had left it a few months ago. Everything was neat - aside from a thin layer of dust that covered the bench and wooden floor.

I gestured toward the small bed that lay in the middle of the room; "Sit down," I told Rose gently. Turning my back on her, I busied my hands with building a fire in the fireplace to take the chill out of the cabin. Soon, there was a warm fire blazing, throwing a soft orange glow about the room.

I grabbed the first aid kit, and wet some gauze with an antiseptic to clean the small bleeding wound on Rose's head. I sat down across from her.

Rose's face contorted into one of desperation and... _Madness? _I felt a jolt of fear spread through my body as I watched the rage build up within her. Rose had always been a person of action, always a temper just bubbling beneath the surface. But, now with her best friend being tortured and the madness creeping into her, overtaking her body and mind, I worried that there was no way for the damage Spirit had so callously caused to be undone, to free this beautiful girl from its death grip on her.

"You have to let me go," Rose griped, wringing her hands desperately in her lap, trying to keep herself still. "Don't you see? Don't you see how Jesse has to pay? He tortured her! He did horrible things to her." Rose's cheeks reddened further as the fury and pure hatred possessed her.

I avoided looking into her deep chocolate brown eyes, almost afraid of what I would see there. Would I see the madness? I didn't think I could handle that. I could handle my own pain, but her? No one so precious, so _good _should ever deserve to hurt like that. Instead, I busied myself with dealing with her minor injuries. I dabbed at the small cut on her head, trying to ignore the wince of pain that came along with the antiseptic.

"He'll be punished, believe me. And the others." I told her with absolute certainty. If the school wouldn't take adequate action, I didn't think I would be able to restrain myself from making them _really _pay for what they did to Lissa or for what they did, and are doing, to Rose. No, there was no way I would be able to. They would pay for it, even if I had to do it myself.

"With what?" Rose bit out violently. "Detention? This is as bad as Victor Dashkov. Nobody does _anything _around here! People commit crimes and get away with it. He need to _hurt. _They all need to."

Once again, I couldn't keep the concern from creeping onto my features. I was, for the first time, truly afraid of Rose. Not afraid for myself, but afraid of what she might do, who she may try to hurt. I finally looked up and made eye contact with her, our gazes locking in the way they so often did when we were alone.

"Rose," I whispered, trying to clear the catch in my throat. "I know you're upset, but you know we don't punish people like that. It's. . . savage." Oh how I wished that we did indeed use ancient forms of punishment to make Jesse Zeklos and his sidekicks realize the hard way that things don't go unpunished. Especially not when Rose is in so much pain. They needed to _feel _what she felt, to suffer in the way they had made so many suffer. No evil goes without recognition of the most heinous kind.

"Yeah?" Rose challenged me. "What's wrong with that? I'd bet it'd stop them from doing it again." By now, Rose was almost yelling at me, her face crippled with a frightening fury. "They need to suffer for what hey did! And _I _want to be the one to do it! I want to hurt them all. I want to kill them all." I was almost frozen in shock, my eyes wide as I took in her words. And then she finally tried to make a break for it. I snapped myself out of the fear and concern and gripped her shoulders in my hands, shoving her back down on the bed a little more harshly than I intended. She fought of course, not deterred by strengthened hold on her shoulders. I didn't want to hurt her, but I had to make her see sense.

"Rose!" I yelled, begging now, desperate to grab her attention, to take away the pain. "You don't mean any of it. You've been stressed and under a lot of pressure - it's making a terrible even that much worse." My voice grew a little softer. I wanted so desperately to take away all her pain, to free her of this violent fury that was wracking through her body.

"Stop it!" Rose shouted back at me. "You're doing it, just like you always do. You're always so reasonable, no matter how awful things are. What happened to you wanting to kill Victor in prison, huh? Why was that okay but this isn't?" As Rose ranted, her voice grew more and more hysterical with each word, her already pink cheeks, reddening further with her increasing anger. I was scared. I had never seen her like this before. In my mind, Rose was always so, so strong. It was hard to believe that even she had weaknesses - weaknesses that were hardly her fault. We knew the dangers of Spirit, and how it slowly drove people insane. As a tragic result of the day's events, the madness Lissa had been feeling had leaked into Rose, intensifying and leaving havoc in its wake.

"Because that was an exaggeration. You know it was. But this . . . This is something different. There's something wrong with you right now." It truly broke my heart to see her so upset and hurt. I didn't know what I could do to help. There were only so many reassurances that I could offer.

"No, there's something _right _with me," Rose spat back at me. "I'm the only one who wants to do anything around here, and if that's wrong, I'm sorry. You keep wanting me to be some impossible, good person, but I'm not! I'm not a saint like you." I almost smiled at her words. _Saint. _One could hardly call me a saint. I was fairly certain that sinning ruled you out of becoming a saint. Oh I had sinned. _Coveted, killed, stolen . . . _

Still fighting the urge to smile, I murmured; "Neither of us is a saint. Believe me I don't -" My words fell short as Rose leapt from her position on the bed, making a break for the door.

"Dammit," I swore. Jumping up after her, I grabbed Rose around her waist, throwing her back to the bed a little more roughly than I intended. I used my weight to pin her there, trying not to hurt her.

"Let me go!" Rose thrashed violently against my restraining hands, attempting to kick out from under my body. We grappled for a moment before I began to regain the upper hand.

"No," I said firmly, still pinning her. I was trying in vain to keep the emotion out of my voice, afraid of what I might hear in it. Desperation and despair filled my hear when I noticed tears well in her gorgeous chocolate brown eyes. "Not until you break out of this. This isn't you!" my voice cracked, my emotions teetering on the edge of agony.

"It is me! Let me go!"

"It's not. It isn't you! _It isn't you. _This is not _my _Roza. You have to break out of this. Please, love, it's alright. You're going to be okay. _Please." _My words were almost a sob. I don't even think she heard what I said.

Suddenly, Rose went limp under me, her words cutting off. I watched as a thousand different emotions washed over her face - first and foremost, anger. Then slowly, it diminished to crippling despair and sorrow. Her brow creased delicately and I longed to kiss it away, to take away all her problems, to help her _live _again without the worry of insanity looming over her day in and day out. Her eyes slid closed as she took in several deep, calming breaths, her chest rising and falling. Slowly, oh do slowly, the shudders which had racked through Rose's body began to subside until they were a light trembling. It was by no means all over, but we were getting somewhere, improving at least.

"Rose," I whispered gently, filling my voice with love and strength that she needed to grab ahold of. She needed to know that I believed in her, had absolute complete faith in her.

"Oh my God," Rose gulped, her voice trembling, this time with fear rather than fury. Her eyes filled with worry and shame. I released my hold on her arms, instead running my fingers along her cheek and down her jaw line. Where our skin touched, I felt a burning sensation, and it sent shivers through me.

"Rose," I breathed softly, keeping eye contact with her, lending her all the strength she needed in order to get herself through this. We would work through it together. There was no way in hell I was letting her suffer through this alone. "Are you okay?"

"I . . . I think so. For now." her voice was filled with defeat. It was gut wrenching.

I reached out to brush the tangle of hair from her tear stained face. Even now, she was still gloriously beautiful. There was absolutely no denying it. "It's over," I murmured. "It's over. Everything will be alright." All I wanted to do was hold her, stroke her hair and whisper reassurances to her while kidding away her pain and sorrow.

"No. It's not. You don't understand. It's true . . . Everything I was worried about. About Anna. It's happening, Dimitri. Lissa lost it out there, she was out of control, and I stopped it because I suck away her anger and it into myself. It's horrible. It'd like I'm a puppet and I can't control myself." I sensed the warning signs this time, the warning that another breakdown was coming. I hurried to comfort her, to make all of it go away.

"You're strong," I said heatedly, wanting - no, _needing _my Roza to be strong. It won't happen again." And if it did, God forbid, I would be there right along side her, fighting her demons with her and for her. We would beat this together.

Rose moved under me, attempting to sit up. "I'm going to be like Anna. This time it was bloodlust and hate. Next time? Maybe it will be craziness like Ms Karp. Maybe I'm already crazy, and that's why I'm seeing Mason. Maybe it will be depression like Lissa, and then I'll be like Anna and kill -"

"No," I said softly, breaking her off mid-sentence, not needing to hear anymore. I couldn't hear anymore. She would _not _be like Lissa and Karp. She couldn't be. She was too strong, so _alive. _There was no way it was going to bring her to her knees. I wouldn't let it. I shifted closer to her, seeking the comfort that came whenever I was near her. "You're too strong. It won't happen to you. You will fight it just like you did this time," I whispered passionately. I hated seeing my beautiful and strong girl so vulnerable.

"I only did because you were here," _Oh Roza. _I lifted her small body up a little, drawing her closer to me until her head was nestled against my chest. "I can't do it by myself," Rose whispered into my chest, snuggling in closer.

"You can," I murmured, placing small kisses in her hair. "You're strong, so strong," I took a deep breath. "It's why I love you," I felt my heart rate pick up a little with the nerves. I had never said it to Rose before, but I realized how natural it felt - like I had been saying it for years.

"You shouldn't," Rose whispered dejectedly. "I'm going to become something terrible. I might already be something terrible."

Moving away slightly, I lift her head, cradling her delicate face between my hands. "You aren't. You won't. I won't let you. No matter what."

Searching my eyes, Rose snaked her arms around my neck, drawing me closer. My breath hitched as she brought her lips to mine in a kiss full of love and promise. Our lips moved together in perfect harmony, like they were made for each other. Slowly, the intensity increased as I captured Rose's bottom lip between my own, sucking lightly. Rose gasped and clutched me closer.

Moving quickly, I laid her back onto the bed beneath me, resting her head in the pillow. I ran my hand down her side, searching for her leg. I grabbed her knee and lifted her leg, wrapping it around my, drawing us impossibly closer.

At that, I pulled back a little. "We can't," I whispered, panting lightly.

"I know," Rose sighed. That small dejected look crossed her features again, undoing me completely. I couldn't bare to be the one who caused her grief. From now on, I vowed that I would do anything within my power to keep that saddened look of her face.

With that last word, and an almost animalistic groan deep in my throat, I caved, letting go with wild abandon as my lips crashed onto Rose's in a fiery passion. It felt exhilarating to finally give in to what I had always wanted, but never granted for myself. I paused for a moment, wondering if this was the right thing to be doing. For months now, I had been holding back, never allowing Rose to get so close to me, afraid of what the consequences might be, afraid of the guilt I might feel from being so openly with someone who was effectively my student. But now, I realized that I didn't care. Be damned with consequences! Why shouldn't I be allowed my happily ever after with the only girl I have ever loved? But I had to make sure, I had to ask. I would never force Rose into this unless she was one hundred percent certain that she wanted me.

"Dimitri," Rose whispered through her panting, pulling her face back so as to look into my eyes. "What's wrong?" Concern washed over her features, a small frown creasing her forehead. I reached out and smoothed the frown out with my fingers.

"Are you sure, Rose? Is this what you want?" I asked, my voice barely audible. I could hear the desperation in my own voice as I hoped she would say that this was indeed what she wanted, that she wanted to be with me in the way that neither of us had ever been with another. I didn't think I could handle the rejection should Rose push me away, not now that we were oh so close, our bodies intertwined, pressing together at the most intimate if places.

She nodded. "Of course it is," Rose breathed. I could see it clearly in her eyes then. The love and devotion to me was clear, positively radiating off her body as her hands caressed my arms. Then, her breath caught as she stared deep into my eyes, piercing my soul with a single gaze.

"Why? Is... Is it not what you want?" Her eyes dropped from mine, hands sliding from my arms to rest beside her. I held her closer with my own arms, supporting myself above her, retesting my weight on my elbows. She trembled slightly.

Relief washed over me as I fully began to realize that we were both ready for this. More than ready.

"Roza, my sweet girl, I have never wanted to be with anyone like this before. It was just never the right person before. But now, being here with you, seeing you look at me with so much love it's almost crippling, I can assure you, I have never wanted this more than I do right now. Holding you in my arms, knowing you are safe, it feels like home. It's comforting. I love you," Rose's gaze had returned to catch mine through my soliloquy. Her piercing gaze made my entire body flush with heat. I needed her. Needed her in the way people would normally need oxygen. I was almost hyperventilating as I returned my mouth to Rose's, catching her lower lip between mine. A moan escaped through Rose's lips as she clutched me to her in desperate need.

I lifted Rose up slowly so she was sitting in my lap. I moved my lips from hers as my hand travelled down the sides of her body to the hem of her shirt. I grasped the material between by fingers and slowly lifted it up her body.

"Lift your arms," I murmured quietly, holding her heated gaze with my own. She did as I asked. I slid the shirt over he head and tossed it to the floor beside the bed. A small gasp slipped through my teeth as I took in the overwhelming beauty before me. A turquoise bra cupped her beautiful breasts, accentuating them. A beautiful blush colored her cheeks and spread to her chest as she watched me gaze at her body. I'd never seen Rose blush before. She was usually so assertive and self-assured. I realized that this was new for her too, despite the rumors that fled around the school about her so-called 'promiscuity'.

"Don't be embarrassed," I whispered, holding her gaze with my own. "I love you." I felt a thrill race through my body as I said the words. I would never get used to it. "Never, ever, be embarrassed about how you look. You are amazing, beautiful and so strong."

Rather than replying, Rose shifted closer and closed the gap between our lips once more. She swiftly ran her hand down my back and began to lift my shirt up. I broke our kiss for a single heartbeat as Rose discarded my shirt with her own.

"You're... Perfect," Rose mumbled, her fingers trailing down my chest, torturously slow, causing me to shiver in anticipation. She surprised me by letting her fingers make their way to the edge of my jeans, tracing back and forth along my hips. I hissed through my teeth as her hands splayed further down, grazing over me through my jeans. I had to stop this. Otherwise, it would last all of thirty seconds. And that was not enough time to love Rose.

I clasped Rose's hands in my own, bringing them back up. "Rose, stop." I murmured, and to soften the slight rejection of her hands, I brought them to my lips and kissed her soft, luscious skin. Rose's face fell a little, and she dropped her gaze to her lap. "Hey," I whispered, holding her chin softly between my fingers and tilting her head back to look into her eyes. "It's not that I wanted you to stop, more that if you didn't, this was not going to last long enough for me to love you wholly and give you all that you deserve," I flushed as I spoke, feeling a little embarrassed, but I fought it back. We had to feel completely comfortable and at ease with each other. That meant being open and honest.

"Oh," Rose murmured. A slow smile spread across her lips, and I wasted no time in returning my lips to her's in a hungry, fiery passion. I clutched at her as if my life depended on it. Rose's hands once again slipped down to my jeans and she fumbled with the button and zip, pushing my jeans down. I helped her by shoving them down and pulling them off. For a moment, I felt unbelievably vulnerable. Never in my life, had I been in this position, exposed, easily hurt. Oh so vulnerable. I quickly squashed the feeling of unease, opting instead to keep my eyes locked with Rose's, and skimmed my hands down to her own jeans, gently working at undoing them. Seeing the blush that arose under her skin, I pulled her mouth back up to meet mine, catching her lips. Whilst kissing her, I gently slid my hands inside the waist of her jeans and slid them down her perfect legs until she was left in her bra and panties. I marveled at the look and feel of her body, pressed flush with my own.

Finally, after so long, there were no more barriers separating our bodies aside from my boxers. Rose lay beneath me, naked. "You are so beautiful," I whispered to her, allowing my gaze to wash over her heated body. She shivered at the palpable spark that emanated from our touching bodies.

"Dimitri, please... Please..." Rose gasped between my complete dominance of her mouth. There was almost something animalistic about her hand desperately clutching my back, trying to draw me impossibly closer and her tongue dueling with my own for dominance.

"Not yet, love," I murmured softly against her flesh as I trailed open-mouthed kisses down her neck, between her full breasts, down to her naval. There, I allowed my tongue to draw delicate circles around her naval, dipping into it - eliciting a gasp of surprise from Rose. I was determined to get to know her body in every way possible before I finally gave us what we both wanted so desperately.

I trailed kisses along her hip bone, nipping lightly. Rose's hips thrust upward. I placed a hand on her stomach to hold her in place. A low groan escaped her lips as my mouth ventured lower and lower down her body. Instead of going where she most wanted me to, I slipped down her body to her feet. I massaged her feet then calves with my hands, igniting all the nerve endings in he body. I slid my hands up her shapely legs, marveling at how perfect she was. Back at her hips, I gently caressed her sides, reveling in the groan that slipped through her teeth.

"Dimitri," Roza whispered, lust heaving in her voice.

Rose's legs wrapped around my waist holding me close as she attempted to use her heels to push my boxers down - the only remaining item on my body, still keeping our hips from fully joining. I helped her, discarding the silk material on the floor with the rest of our clothes.

I positioned myself at her centre, locking my gaze with her own. "I love you," Rose said strongly as she wrapped her legs tighter around my waist and pulled my body to hers until we were joined completely and wholly in the most intimate of ways.

I let out a soft moan of pure pleasure as I held her close, waiting for her to adjust to the slight stretching of her body. "Are you okay?" I asked gently, peppering her face with soft kisses.

Roza nodded, biting her bottom lip. "Please, don't stop. Please, I need you, Dimitri." As my name slipped from her mouth, I groaned and began to move in her slowly, withdrawing almost all the way out and then agonizingly slowly, eased myself back in to her heated body.

"More," Rose gasped between the thrust of my hips. She was raising her own hips to meet mine, seeking more friction. I complied, pulling back and then letting my instincts take over, thrusting in and out of her warm depths.

"You are the only one, my love. I love you, Roza," I whispered, my lips near her ear. I sucked her ear lobe between my lips and tugged.

"Ungh," Rose moaned and scraped her nails up by back, trying to hold me closer.

"Let go, Roza," I murmured. And with one final meeting of our hips, we both came undone, desperately holding onto each other, riding out the pleasure.

I murmured sweet words in her ear in my native tongue. Roza shivered under me and I wrapped myself around her protectively, keeping her warm.

"I love you, Roza. So, so much. I've never felt like this before, and you just . . . you changed me, Roza. For the better."

By now we were both lying on our sides, facing each other and still impossibly close. Rose's fingers traced delicately down my face, brushing over my lips. "Thank you for before. If you hadn't been there, I don't know what I would have done. I don't even want to think about what I would have resorted to with Jesse. You saved me, Dimitri. I love you,"

I crushed her lightly to my chest, needing to feel her pressed up against me. "How do you feel?" I asked softly.

"Tired," Rose said with a smile. "But amazing. I love you more intensely. I never thought that it would be possible to love you more than I already did. But once again, you made the impossible happen,"

I laughed lightly. I felt elated, content and in love. I never wanted this moment to end. Right here, right now, was an unbelievably perfect moment, with the love of my life wrapped protectively in my arms.

**Leave me some feedback! This is the first time I've ever written a lemon like this and I need to hear if it was good/bad/okay. Let me know!**

**-Bronte.**


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